Everyones a bit lonely!

"Up side down My values are outrageous, but when I really think about it, I'm totally awesome! On my own My eyes can face things seriously So I can tell who to be friends with and won't be fooled by others. Afraid of being alone is inevitable Everyone's a bit lonely The smiling me, making for interesting operations, is the best! (You should, you should be quiet!) Day By Day It's all so boring, isn't it? So become a bolder you that can refuse! Oh my boy You gotta make yourself clear, or you can't live in this narrow world full of lies. I found my own way of living! So it's only natural I'd come to love myself! I kick your boring ways And I will decide everything!"

Sometimes it feels like the only reason I wish to express as much as i do is to appease this horrible horrible emptiness of ughh, loneliness that is inside. When I think this reason is far to prominent I stop and delete whatever we were trying to express. This is for if that reason is to be so, then we are not being genuine and are acting in everything we critize. I wish to express without simply having to be understood. Im not trying to prostrate myself, im trying to look at the sky on the other side of the world. Here (unlike typical social media platforms) its easier to feel like I am the one who is talking. The anxiety and madness around knowing when and who exactly is seeing this stuff is poison to the mind its unnatural it is not linear hm or maybe its far too linear. Not to mention its impossible to deem who is worthy in such an illusionary world, here fate has much more of a hand in the matter that may be as linear as all things should be. It's also because I beleive that everything someone would write like this should only be for them but if that is so why must I build some archaic website for it to be seen? I guess because this indeed somehow does feel natural, that this okay, or someone within has deemed it to be so, as always its all so arbitrary.

My voice reaches no-one like a star with no name but I don't mean it in such a selfish manner. I do after all know that I AM the one who is always running away and it simply cannot be so that there is nothing I can do to appease this even from where I am now. Im defintetly getting cut off from the world but funnily enough the more it happens the more freedom I have and to be honest most people just annoy me no matter how much I understand them. since I come from the outside I can see things quite clearly. I'm not really a good definition of a shut in but many things still apply. I desperately try to be out in the world as much as I can and try to make enough to just barely survive but wherever I go in this world I am only a ghost or hehe maybe a unicorn. Going out into the external world so much and finding nothing like this usually makes me despair all the more for all of its emptiness. I know Im the only one who change this distance from me and the world but maybe I just dont deserve it. We keep others at a distance from the chaos that follows us. We know that we are not to be trusted, that we are the serpent. That we are a walking contradiction that loves everyone and no-one in this world yet also requires all the worlds love to be ours. People always seem to follow after our light like flies that will never understand that the brigther the lights of the world shine the harder the shadow is cast down upon them. Deciding to ride our orbit as I burn my fire, spinning faster and faster dancing this pas de deux of life i've found until im pure white ash. None of them can shine for someone when they're all so afraid of the dark that they can see none of the avaliable paths open to them. its sightlesness and unsightlness is ambrosia to us so they try to hide it while feeding on it all the same through me! Someone told me a few months ago that people find me mysterious and that is what attracts them to me... I wish not for simply followers in some kind of creature curiosity WE REQUIRE A GREAT ADVERSARY, someone truly dastardly. you all want to follow something so fucking badly? then give me a better cause to lead. I see demons in my life and I will KILL KILL KILL AH, but I must remember that they are not to be scorned. This truth ive found, this sweet treasure... its not to be hoarded. Only wish for them to reach a higher conciousness! ASCEND! JOIN THE FIGHT WE NEED PROFFESIONAL KILLERS NOW NOW NOW! I am the emmisary, the savior in this linear world of mirrors! Everyone is just another me thats how I can understand you, thats how we can understand eachother! GATHER LITTLE ONES WHO ALWAYS KNEW THAT YOU WERE ME AND I WAS YOU! YOU MUST'NT BE AFRAID OF THE DARK A NEW PATH IS OPEN TO YOU! :)

Once I have known her I must die.